The Family Jewels (Marina and the Diamonds)

4 stars

Coming second in anything is never easy - knowing you were so close sometimes hurts infinitely more than coming last, where you know you had no chance of winning whatsoever, but Marina Diamandis has proved herself more than worthy of her place in the BBC Sound of 2010 poll, showing she won’t let a little thing like this get in her way of her quest to conquer the charts.

Her debut album, The Family Jewels, is simply incredible - a whirlwind of highly diverse tunes that will have you singing along in no time. Each song is different, from the slow and subtly moving Obsessions to the upbeat, rhythmic beats of Shampain. Diamandis highlights all that’s wrong with today’s shallow and vain society through songs such as Girls, and has fun whilst doing so, with playful lyrics. She is quirky, refreshing and just what today’s clone saturated charts needs.

She has what a lot of so called stars lack: personality. (Take note, Leona Lewis - amzing though your voice may be, it will only get you so far in today’s cutthroat music business.)

Marina and the Diamonds is best likened to marmite: you will either love her unique voice or absolutely loathe. But I am proud to say I love marmite.

If I was going to be picky, the lyrics booklet could have done with a bit more colour, or at least some more interesting shots of Miss Diamandis - it seems lacklustre when compared to her larger than life personality.

Faces by Martina Cole

0 stars

Martina Cole, writer of around twenty books and winner of numerous literary awards. The praise for her work is immense, and it seems that she can do no wrong when ti comes to writing, so you can imagine my delight when I discover a lone Martina Cole novel lying forlornly on the shelf (well, rotating standy thing, to be precise) of my local library. Looking at Faces, the cover - a shot of a fragile looking woman with a trendy bob flanked by two stereotypical gangsters who are reminiscent of a thinner, scarier version of the Mitchell brothers - doesn’t particularly stand out or seem remarkable in any way, and the blurb doesn’t really grab the reader’s attention, but nonetheless, I decide to take a chance due to the glowing accolades I’ve heard about Miss Cole’s work.

Sadly, I was left distinctly disappointed by my first taste of her work and couldn’t even make it to the end - and believe me you, that’s a thing I do often. Faces starts okay-ish, but quickly goes downhill, with far too much talking and not enough action - it’s not executed snappily enough for my liking. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not just all about the fast car chases ad violence, but when I’m only a quarter of the way through and I find myself reading the same story or memory for the tenth time, that’s got to be a sure sign that Cole has gone far too heavy on the reiterating.

Another thing that annoyed me - aside from Cole’s seemingly dense writing manner - was the use of language. I know she was probably trying to authentic in using the proper London lingo, if you’re like me you won’t be able to translate “raspberry” into “cripple” as you won’t know it’s a shortened version of “raspberry ripple”, which can lead t a lot of confusion as the antagonist’s father is repeatedly referred to as a fruit. In addition, I’m sure I’m not the only who has never heard London branded “the Smoke” before, nor ever known a “face” to be anything but two eyes and a mouth. Moreover, there is a distinct lack of likeable characters. I don’t expect everybody in a story like this to be all happy and like skipping round in circles whilst singing a jolly tune, but there should have been more of a balance. Danny Cadogan is portrayed perfectly, showing no remorse and appearing cold and detached, but Mary, who we’re supposed to feel sorry for comes across as desperate and wallowing in self pity. Her brother fairs no better - he obviously disagrees with his friend’s violent ways and yet says nothing. Maybe the later sections of the book saw the arrival of some decent characters, or at least the attempt of some character development, but I wouldn’t know - I didn’t stick around to find out.

The book isn’t all bad - there are a few glimpses of the spectacular writing talent I’d come to expect from her: the scene in which Danny batters a young prostitute and where he “rescues” a teenage Mary particularly shines out as Cole’s pacing is quick, and hr description intense and gritty, so much so that even the strongest of minds will be left feeling slightly queasy and on edge. Bearing that in mind, those with a weak stomach may be put off slightly by Cole’s vivid description of torture and violence - you’ll never look at an apple peeler the same way again and reading about one being use to blind someone. However, these fantastic moments are few in number, and get bogged down by Cole’s tendency to be dense when writing bridges between key scenes.

Martina Cole, the woman who tells it like it really is? Well, if this is how it is, I don’t want to know.

However, after reading several Amazon reviews, it seems that most diehard Cole fans are quick to stress that Faces is by far one of Cole’s weakest books, and that her writing skill should be judged on this alone, so perhaps a visit to Cole’s earlier work is in order.

Love in the Present Tense by Catherine Ryan Hyde

2 stars

Love in the Present Tense tells the story of the unlikely friendship between 25 year old Mitch and the irrepressible Leonard, whose mother Pearl disappears without explanation when he is just five years old. The book starts well; the opening is strong and dramatic, yet subtly so. However, it quickly goes downhill from there. There’s nothing about Love in the Present Tense that is astounding bad, but that’s just it - there is nothing new or original about it, nothing that makes it stand out, and it quickly descends into a tangle of clichés which makes it an ideal candidate for a Five afternoon movie. It’s sickly sweet, sentimental and saccharine, but lack substance, or any attempt at a plot. Instead, it ambles quite happily to each new episode, making for a rather average and dull affair. Leonard is a fantastic character - he’s wonderfully intuitive for his age and his star optimism is nothing short of inspirational. However, although the relationship between him and Mitch is portrayed well and handled with great sensitivity, Mitch on his own is… well, lacklustre, and his affair with the mayor‘s wife is simply implausible. Love in the Present Tense is okay for a light read, but due to its trite subject matter, and Hyde’s sloppy and sometimes over dwelling prose, it’s nothing to get excited about.

Fang: A Maximum Ride Novel by James Patterson

2.5 stars (although I might have been more kind if I hadn't read any of the previous books)

*WARNING! THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS SPOILERS!*

My suspicions that the Maximum Ride series never really recovered after Patterson’s lecture on global warming, also known as The Final Warning. Don’t get me wrong, I know the series has never been what you’d call perfect, what with its gaping potholes that are so big it’s a wonder Max and the rest of the flock don’t fall into them and discover Wonderland and the fact that any attempt at plot has already been one hundred times, fifty in the Maximum Ride series alone. No, I know this, but the characters’ colourful personalities and witty dialogue always made up for it - until now, that is. I was hopeful the series was starting to improve again after reading Max, despite the dire plot. (I mean, any self respecting science fiction fan - and me - will have heard the whole “mutants-caused-by-companies-dumping-radioactive waste” thing a thousand times.) Sadly, I was wrong.

Fang has a gripping blurb, which falsely leads to the reader to think they’re in for a real treat, with the unthinkable possibility of Fang dying. I know for me it felt like I was revisiting an old friend as I excitedly settled down to read 336 pages devoted to my favourite character. However, the flock’s latest exploits unfortunately fail to live up to expectations. Maybe I’m starting to grow out of the series, and have become one of those grumpy, killjoy, “what’s fun?” people, who I’m always complaining about. But as Stefan said to Damon in The Vampire Diaries, “I liked you a lot better when you hated everyone”. Although in this case, “I liked you a lot better when you weren’t all bothered about saving the world”. I miss the old flock, the fugitives as opposed to “the protectors” which sparks of memories of some sinister government agency. Back then, the flock had a lot more spunk and attitude - oh, how I miss those days, when the flock weren’t spoilt and had to actually fend for themselves as opposed to having a nice doctor baking cookies for them.

Let’s start with the main thing that bugged me: Patterson has ruined my favourite character. I knew the whole love hate relationship and sexual - well, about as sexual as is allowed for a children’s book - tension bubbling between Max and Fang couldn’t last forever, but ever since Max gave in to Fang’s advances, he’s become a real sop - hell, he’s even started talking! - and it’s no wonder the loved up couple get voted out of the flock. I mean, what with Fang’s letter where he suddenly started pouring out his emotions? I believe you need to look up the word “subtly” in a dictionary, Mr Patterson, and add to your limited vocabulary.

And as for Fang’s “rival” Dylan, Max perfect match? Well, has Dr Hans actually bothered to read the previous Maximum Ride books? Seriously, because he had, then he would know that Dylan is in no way perfect for Max. He’s far too tween-heart-throb-ish. It doesn’t help that Patterson has neglected to create any sort of chemistry between them whatsoever.

There are some nice scenes throughout the book - the flock exchanging presents is particularly touching - but it seems more like a sketch show than an actual story, as the plot lurches drunkenly from one fight scene to the next Sure, there a few shocks - Dylan attempting to kill himself, the prospect of Iggy being able to see again, and Fang leaving. But these are all quickly followed by let downs: Dylan survives, Iggy never gets the chance to see again as it is never followed up, and Fang is found again, and this makes his second (final?) departure not as thrilling as we’ve already been there before. Speaking of rehashes… Patterson has gotten lazy, and has seemingly referred to past books for ideas - we’ve seen the Erasers before and the flock have already been spilt up. Oh, and Fang messes up his death. I’m guessing this was supposed to be one of the great twists of the story, a real tragedy, but Patterson doesn’t execute it with enough emotion, and so it doesn’t come as a real shock. And Fang can’t even stay dead! What’s up with that?

Verdict: Fang had great potential, but is a barrel of missed opportunities, as opposed to the usual barrel of laughs Patterson provides us with. It lacks the punch of the earlier Maximum Ride books and also any real laughs - although Fang’s pros and cons list provides some much needed humour, it seems to have come out of nowhere, and it was a big mistake taking Total out of the scene.

Is there a Doctor in the house?

So far, I’ve been considerably disappointed by series six of Doctor Who. Maybe it’s because I’m still suffering from David Tennant withdrawal symptoms, or maybe it was something I ate. Whatever. But this new series has decidedly lacked that wow factor which makes Doctor Who so likeable.

In the first episode, the Beeb fell into that trap that authors fall into all too often. You know the one, when they insert as many of the latest gadgets and mention as many of the latest tunes, just to show that time has passed, or to prove they’re still in touch with the modern world (I’m never really sure which it is). Aren’t they clever? The first episode saw the Tardis hurtle at top speed past all the famous London landmarks: Big Ben, the London eye… There might as well have been a sign saying “WELCOME TO LONDON”. Perhaps they were trying to be subtle - in that case, they failed. We also saw the Tardis crash land. Again.

Thankfully, the episode picked up when the Doctor encountered a young Amelia Pond, who was suitably incredulous and yet entranced by the Doctor’s arrival. Unfortunately, it went rapidly downhill after he returned. Yes, Karen Gillan is great as the new assistant - she’s sexy, feisty, and provides the laughs as Amy Pond The fact she’s Scottish and has hair and legs to die for can’t hurt either. But was it really necessary to make her a kissogram? I suspect some parents are none too happy at the prospect of explaining what one is to their innocent little five year olds.

And the theme tune! Ugh. What on earth do the Beeb think they’re playing at? It sounds like they let a five year old loose on a mixing deck, what the horrible, jolting record scratching reminiscent sound effects. The “new look” Tardis basically looks the same, only it now flies in the midst of a thunderstorm during the opening credits, and the new logo, though clever, looks awkward splayed across the screen and is enough to spur a disparaging art critic to start a full blown rant about how simplistic modern art just doesn’t compare to the likes of Da Vinci.

In addition, you’d think the Beeb could come up with something better than a snake/ a man with really sharp teeth as their villain. Or a giant eye. This is yet another piece of evidence that they are running out of ideas. So, it seemed that the return of the Daleks was a perfect opportunity for the Beeb to prove that’s there’s only one place to be on Saturday nights. And did they? Well, yes and no.

As a hardcore Whovian, I didn’t think it was possible to go wrong with the Daleks - after all, there’s a reason why they come back time and time again. However, that’s just what the Beeb did - here’s a piece of advice for the future: the Daleks are supposed to be terrifying aliens from outer space; they are NOT models in a fashion show, and so do not need to be brightly coloured, which makes them look something out of Balamory. And then they just decided to run off! What happened to the days of evil plotting and scheming?

The plot was formulaic, the climax been done a million time before - and much better. However, the bomb looking like a human being and then going on to lead his own life added a new dimension, and there’s no denying that the episode built up a sense of suspense and danger well.

And what of the new Doctor? Well, at times Smith comes across as a David Tennant wannabe who’s in dire need of a haircut, and at other times, he’s simply marvellous, and it’s easy to see why he was picked. He grows in confidence with each episode, and the chemistry between him and Gillan is brilliant. Having said that, he still doesn’t quite compare to Tennant’s excellence, but perhaps I’m biased. After all, it‘s still early days, and I can‘t wait to see how the series pans out - even if I still miss the blue sonic screwdriver! - especially with the return of the Weeping Angels coming up, and the ominous crack that appears at the end of each episode, hinting at a cracking finale.

N.B. I apologise profoundly for the cheesy title. It was either that or "Who are you?".

One False Move by Harlan Coben

3 stars

"One False Move" begins well, with a gloomy opening setting up the scene nicely as the reader is made to wonder what on earth could make a normally chipper Myron so downcast.

It's hard not to fall in love in Myron, with his witty comments and all round good nature - he's like the best friend you always wanted, and his goofiness just makes him even more appealing. Win, of course, is as fabulous as ever as Myron's best friend and upper class psychopath, and Esperanza really comes into her own in "One False Move".

One of the main problems about Coben's writing is that he sometimes tries to hard to please everybody, and as a result, his characters end up living in a perfect world. For instance, take Brenda Slaughter - she is neither white nor a size zero, and feistily independent, but then, Coben wouldn't dare make her anything else because it just wouldn't be politically correct, and that would never do. However, for once, not everything ends happily, and Coben handles this well, describing Myron's grief and suffering expertly,without resorting to schmalty cliches.

"One False Move" is grittier and more serious than the previous Myron Bolitar books, but unfortunately, it's also slower paced, and the dialogue isn't as slick or glib either.

Verdict: Whilst "One False Move" is still a decent read, it lacks the famous Bolitar charm that made the series so popular in the first place.

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

4 stars

From Schindler’s List to The Diary of Anne Frank, war is a theme that has been broached by many authors with varying degrees of success, making it a risky subject for writers. However, Zusak handles the topic sensitively, making The Book Thief an outstanding read.

Narrated by Death, The Book Thief tells the story of nine year old Liesel, who is sent to live with the formidable Rosa and kindly Hans following the death of her brother and hasty departure of her mother. Zusak provides us with a strong protagonist in Liesel; she is tough yet vulnerable, not afraid to speak her mind yet able to truly feel things. It’s hard not to fall in love with both her and her mischievous best friend, Rudy; Zusak portrays their relationship masterfully, highlighting the importance of true friends.

The Book Thief is one of those books which will make you laugh, cry, and above all, be glad to be alive. Both hugely ambitious and original, Zusak succeeds in showing the reader about the difficulties and moral dilemmas people faced during the war without getting too sentimental, whilst reminding us that Germany suffered too.

However, The Book Thief is by no means perfect. You’d be forgiven for thinking it had been translated into English due to the sometimes awkward and disjointed nature of Zusak’s writing, which can make the novel hard work.

But despite its flaws, it remains an incredibly powerful piece of writing that will stay with you long after the book has been closed, and even the coldest of hearts will struggle not to cry at the poignant ending.

The Black Angel by John Connolly

1.5 stars

Plot

When Detective Charlie Parker agrees to helps an old friend search for his beloved cousin, he soon finds himself entwined with strange rumours of fallen angels, a mysterious cult called the Believers, and the peculiar Brightwell, who will stop at nothing to fulfil the wishes of his master…

If Connolly’s subsequent novel, The Book of Lost Things, is a gloriously old fashioned tapestry of magic and unexpected charm, then The Black Angel can only be described as a dull strand of thread with fraying ends.

What starts out as a decent plot soon descends into chaos as the storyline is lost beneath layer upon layer of history and background information. Each chapter introduces at least twenty new characters - half of which killed as quickly as they come in, rendering their existence completely useless - along with a pointless in depth description of their past, until you find yourself drowning in a sea of names. Even those with a memory worthy of the Mensa will struggle to remember each and every person who features in this macabre tale.

This dark and depressing novel possesses none of the allure of other more gripping thrillers, and when you finally reach the “grand” finale of this dense story and all the double crossers are revealed, you find you don’t particularly care, and instead start to wonder whether it was really worth the week you spent reading it. The overly complex plot will leave you frustrated and unsatisfied, which is a shame, because the antagonist has a lot of potential.

All in all, a disappointing read.